11 step guide to the perfect sartorial sense of Indian woman as defined by trolls

I still remember my first day at college. Nothing less than a nightmare. I  wore a loose blue shirt, jeans, no makeup. I  carried a basic handbag. A few classmates came up to me and asked if I’m gonna come to college dressed like this every day. A few weeks later, one of the most stylish girls in my class walked up to me and said, “Don’t mind, but you have no sense of fashion!” I was grasping her insult while she volunteered to “change” me in a fashion diva in “just two weeks.” I was just 17.  I went back home and cried a lot. But somehow I didn’t change my unfashionable ways. The free ka gyan continued to flow. I was told how to sit ‘properly like a girl’ (read: with cross-legged). What kind of earrings to wear. Comments like “You must use lipstick and makeup”, “You shouldn’t wear saree or skirts at farewell” (because I’m fat) were most common. I suffered it all. So, the trolling business was since ever.

The only difference is that now it has moved online and for worse. And if you are popular or even semi-popular and have a social presence, the suffering gets to another level. Basically, body shaming unites trollers and we have seen it many times.

Recently, Beyhadh actress Aneri Vajani posted her bikini picture on Instagram and got trolled (as what we call it). But according to trolls, they were just expressing their views. She was called ‘malnutritioned‘. Statements like ‘dieting ki be hadh hothi hae yaar’ were thrown towards her. Though Aneri Vajani gave it back to trolls, it didn’t help her much. A similar thing happened to Nia Sharma when she posted a video on ‘her’ Instagram wearing a bustier and a pair of jeans.

Trolls never leave a chance to abuse, troll or give their ‘gyan’ to anybody. Remember, Priyanka Chopra’s dress when she met Modi, Deepika Padukone’s Maxim shoot, and Fatima Sana Shaikh‘s latest swimwear photoshoot? In case, you don’t. Here we have compiled all the ‘gyans’ trollers have given to these women and others.

Why you should not look the way you look

A post shared by Aneri Vajani (@vajanianeri) on Jun 19, 2017 at 3:25pm PDT

1. Till the time, you wear full clothes, you are innocent and cute. Bikini makes you guilty and non-cute.

2. Your name is wrong. Keep your name as per your weight.

A guide on what to wear in front of PM

3. Always make sure to call PM Modi and ask if he is wearing Indian or not. Use your common sense and all other senses to decide what to wear.

4. Make sure how you sit in front of PM. Here it is a big no to the way Priyanka is sitting.

5. So, if you are planning to meet PM of any other country, you are perfectly dressed. But a big no to this one.

6. Remember dresses are indecent. Must be covered from head to top when meeting the Prime Minister

What to wear for photoshoot

7. Please Deepika, ask the trolls what suits you and what not before you don an outfit for a photoshoot for an international magazine. Trolls know the best when it comes to dressing sense and latest fashion statement. 

8. Most importantly, don’t forget to remind yourself that you are an Indian when you choose your outfit. For trolls being Indian is the ultimate test to pass a fashion test.  

9. Trolls know the reason why you wear ‘skimpy’ and ‘revealing’ clothes. Not because you have the body to carry it but because controversies are what runs your kitchen. 

10. No, not sticking to the Indian standard of modesty isn’t enough. You must also keep in mind if the rest of the people from your religious community is observing fast and celebrating a festival, you better keep those legs outside the public view. 

11. And why should an actress be anything more than her clothes? As per troll logic, an actress = her clothes. Her acting skills, dancing skills and screen presence can go fetch what we say in Hindi ‘tel’.
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Dear trolls, now we know what not to do and here is the list.

You can’t be fat
You can’t be thin
You can’t under-dress
You can’t wear short dresses
No sexy photoshoot
Don’t look hot during festivals

We have no more fucks to give!

via GIPHY

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