Don’t you just hate it when superbly successful people talk about adult things like “savings” and “investments”? I mean, we are not ready to even adult yet and they expect us to save? What are we, our parents? You are just 24. Or 28. Or 33. And there is way too much on your plate to be attended to anyway. There is a Zara sale every month, Netflix subscriptions shoot up every year and hey, am I the only person who thinks that petrol prices are shooting up?
Well, earlier this year a website called Marketwatch spouted a line in its article that only my father can get away with, by 35, you should have twice of your salary saved for retirement. Well, we wish. Though they published it in January, it was reposted last week. And since then the good people on Twitter are getting real about what you should actually expect to have “by age 35.”
Marketwatch, are you serious?
By 35, you should have twice your salary saved, according to retirement experts: https://t.co/QoVA6EFpHJ
— MarketWatch (@MarketWatch) May 12, 2018
Here’s what you actually can do by age 35
1. Food goals are important
by the time you’re 35 you should have saved at least half your sandwich for lunchtime instead of noming it at 10am.
— The Princess Diaries (@poniesandsodies) May 16, 2018
2. Yaay, plans! So 35 will be as same as 30
By age 35 you should run into friends and say “WE SHOULD HANG OUT SOON!” twice a week. You will never hang out. You’ll just scream this at each other until one of you dies.
— Luke Trayser (@trukelayser) May 20, 2018
3. Ya, get organized
by age 35 you should have a kitchen cabinet dedicated entirely to plastic bags that contain other, smaller plastic bags
— vytas (@peakysblinder) May 20, 2018
4. Friendship goals, you are talking about?
By age 35 you should have like 2 real friends both of whom live in other states and around 700 online friends with whom your relationship is so tenuous that a simple opinion about a comic book movie could end it instantly.
— MR’A Stoudemire (@Bahbuto) May 21, 2018
5. Life Goals!
By age 35, you should have gained, lost and regained 1 imperial throne, conquered not 1 but 2 other empires with Roman credentials, turned the greatest church in the world into the greatest mosque, beaten Dracula, married 5 times & written a little poem, retirement experts say. pic.twitter.com/dtZMQgTait
— Peter Sandham (@HKSandham) May 21, 2018
6. More life goals, it seems.
By age 35 you should have founded a city in the midwest with expansive powers and established a radical new cosmology including salvific rites for the dead
— BCC (@ByCommonConsent) May 22, 2018
7. We hope no black money involved
by 35 you should have a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife and you should ask yourself “well, how did I get here?”
— Dylan (@dylmdav) May 20, 2018
8. The story of my life
By 35 you should have a list of classic films you haven’t seen but pretend you have and now you feel you know them so well you wonder if actually you have seen them after all.
— Sarah – I have Imposter Syndrome & quite right too (@cautionspoilers) May 21, 2018
9. Can we do that?
By age 35, you should have figured out how to spell “bananas” without having to mentally sing Hollaback Girl
— Jon “Jon Baker” Baker (@JonBaker) May 20, 2018
10. That’s easy?
By age 35 you should have reached that stage of time confusion where you’re convinced the 90s was only 10 years ago.
— Jen Williams (@sennydreadful) May 21, 2018
In case, you think Marketwatch didn’t notice the reaction. Here’s what they want to say to millennials.
This tweet elicited a huge reaction.
Here’s the follow-up: https://t.co/G7mqwv8pin
— MarketWatch (@MarketWatch) May 16, 2018