This Artist Explores The Indian Dating Culture Through Her Illustrations

Indu wanted to capture the essence of the online dating culture in India through her illustrations, which are based on crowdsourced stories on dating, love and relationships

After the viral and sexually provocative art campaign #100IndianTinderTales, artist and illustrator Indu Harikumar is back with yet another project — #HowWeDate. Indu wanted to capture the essence of the online dating culture in India through her illustrations, which are based on crowdsourced stories on dating, love and relationships.

Primarily focussing on women, the “sex-positive” project gathered intended to highlight on how people date, what makes them swipe right/left, their online or offline experiences, and the general perspective of Indians towards dating.

ALSO READ: Meet the artist who is exploring religion, society and sexuality through his surreal paintings 

(Courtesy: Instagram/@induviduality)

With heart-warming stories about falling in love through Tinder, or learning to get comfortable with oneself, or coming across positive temporary experiences, Indu transformed these real-life experiences into art to quash the taboos and create a judgement-free space.

ALSO READ: This Instagram artist tells you why it’s brilliant that women are no longer coy about their sexuality 

Here are some excerpts from the #HowWeDate project:

“I’ve been single for about two years but whenever I did meet someone, I would end up carrying a small something for them – just to give it a personal touch. It’s sort of my thing I guess.”

Are you following the #HowWeDate conversation on my Insta stories? Yesterday, we asked folks about dating And what it means to them.  The answers were so varied. You can check them out in my highlights. I picked  @nagwa.k25 ‘s story to illustrate. “Dating to me means getting to know someone. It’s  like meeting a friend but here you both know you’re interested in each other non-platonically. I’ve been single for about two years but whenever I did meet someone, I would end up carrying a small something for them – just to give it a personal touch. It’s sort of my thing I guess. I remember this one time I was talking to someone and I knew it would be strictly casual but that didn’t stop me  from taking a book by his favourite author that I happened to have with me. And by happened to have, I mean I “took it without asking” from  the AirBnB we were renting in Goa with friends because the owner overcharged us and we HAD to rescue the books. My last relationship was with someone I met on a dating app and I remember  baking cookies because when he came to know I bake, he sort of lost it and I didn’t want to rob someone the joy of trying something sweet.” #HowWeDate is a crowdsourced art project in partnership with @tinder_india. Swipe right for details. #art  #artist #illustration #dating  #tinder#tinderindia #datingstories#datingstoriesfromIndia #indian#crowdsourced #onlinedating#womenwhodraw #datinginindia  #digitaldating #lovestories #india #illustrator #relationships #instaart

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“Both our dads were alcoholics and both of us sought solace in dreams of a future where we or our mothers would not be beaten up at home and both of us were gatekeepers of our family’s deepest darkest secrets.”

Are you following the #HowWeDate conversation on my Insta stories? Yesterday, we asked folks to share their favourite love story. You can check out the answers in my highlights. I picked arr’s powerful story to illustrate. “Can a person have more than one ideal love story in a lifetime? My first love was A who I met when I was in my 9th standard. He was the topper in the class, the loudmouth and I was the awkward new admission. I had a huge crush on him but didn’t tell him till 11th standard. And surprisingly enough both of us confessed our feelings for each other at the same moment. Remember jinx? Now, we were 15 and maybe this was just hormones but love happened because of who we were. Both our dads were alcoholics and both of us sought solace in dreams of a future where we or our mothers would not be beaten up at home and both of us were gatekeepers of our family’s deepest darkest secrets. In a year, my dad was diagnosed with cancer and I called A from a telephone booth and broke down. My relationship with my father changed over that year. We became best friends. But, my anxiety over his receding life span came out as tantrums to A. He stuck by my side through it. (1/3) #art  #artist #illustration #dating  #tinder #tinderindia #datingstories #datingstoriesfromIndia #indian #crowdsourced #onlinedating #womenwhodraw #datinginindia  #digitaldating  #lovestories #india #illustrator #relationships #instaart

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“Over the past couple of months, I have felt a tangible shift with a lot of potential partners coming into the picture. Maybe it’s a sign that I’m finally warming up to the idea that love will find its way to me.”

Are you following the #HowWeDate conversation on my Insta stories?  I chose to illustrate, @lolatude’s response to: Do you want to find love or do you want love to find you? “I sometimes wonder… can you have one without the other? At certain times, I’m gripped by this intense longing to feel arms wrapped around me in love and sitting in companionable silence. There are days when I ask the universe if they plan to send someone for me or not? And often enough I find myself looking back at possible love stories that could have been, had we but been brave. I guess it’s about telling the universe that I am finally ready to find love, so let love find me. How that works I don’t know but maybe it’s about opening your heart and mind to the idea of being loved that you see potential where you earlier would have either scoffed at or dismissed. Over the past couple of months, I have felt a tangible shift with a lot of potential partners coming into the picture. Maybe it’s a sign that I’m finally warming up to the idea that love will find its way to me. As they say, hope springs eternal.” #HowWeDate is a crowdsourced art project in partnership with @tinder_india. #Rightswipe for details. #art  #artist #illustration #dating #tinder #tinderindia #datingstories #datingstoriesfromIndia #indian #crowdsourced #onlinedating #womenwhodraw #datinginindia  #digitaldating  #lovestories #india #illustrator #relationships #instaart

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“It was the first time ever somebody took care of me so much. I did a lot more of random clumsiness that day. Spilled beer, dropped a few things, broke my specs and such other things. I was particularly surprised how calm he was with all this considering he had major OCD. But I loved that little thing about him. He was funny and kind. Enjoyed my time. I felt so safe and happy. I knew it wouldn’t go anywhere but I knew it was the right place to be that day.”

Ess from #Bangalore shares this beautiful tale. “Tinder is almost the only form of dating I’ve been successful so far. I met many people.  Made a few good friends there and also dated around… It was the new year’s, and I had no plans but someone charmed me into making plans for the night.  He picked me up for dinner and we were gonna smoke up and spend the new year riding away. I dropped the leftovers that we had carried home. He had been taking care of a  litter of puppies who seemed more than happy munching on the food on the road.  He let it slide by. We sat in smoked up and had a few beers and soon, the new year began. We forgot to kiss. One thing led to another and soon we diverted to the good stuff of course. It was the first time ever somebody took care of me so much. I did a lot more of random clumsiness that day. Spilled beer, dropped a few things, broke my specs and such other things. I was particularly surprised how calm he was with all this considering he had major OCD. But I loved that little thing about him. He was funny and kind. Enjoyed my time. I felt so safe and happy.  I knew it wouldn’t go anywhere but I knew it was the right place to be that day. It was beautiful.” #HowWeDate is a crowdsourced art project in partnership with @tinder_india. #Rightswipe for details. #art  #artist #illustration #dating #tinder #tinderindia #datingstories #datingstoriesfromIndia #indian #crowdsourced #onlinedating #womenwhodraw #datinginindia  #digitaldating  #lovestories #india #illustrator #relationships #instaart

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“I always thought that I’d date someone, marry them, die with them and then I wouldn’t have to be alone. That obviously didn’t work out and I made many good and bad decisions because I didn’t want to be alone. So with this unique problem, online dating helped me meet men and be part of the mating ritual again, after a five year-long relationship.”

Jay from #Chandigarh shares what she loves about online dating. “I grew up with a lot of overwhelming attention from the opposite sex. Women didn’t like me and men regardless of their age were always too curious. But, no one initiated conversations. Men and women would always judge me from a distance based on my looks. And when I’d say something they’d find me intimidating. So all my life, all the people I’ve known, have spoken to me because I initiated the conversation. Especially men. I always thought that I’d date someone, marry them, die with them and then I wouldn’t have to be alone. That obviously didn’t work out and I made many good and bad decisions because I didn’t want to be  alone. So with this unique problem, online dating  helped me meet men and be part of the mating ritual again, after a five year  long relationship.  Ah! It was lovely. All the men I met were always ready to mingle. I don’t think women ever have to face rejection online. I haven’t. And that sort of made me feel powerful. It felt like I could  have my personal swyamwar, where I could deliberately flirt with someone I found handsome, or someone who was funny  or someone whose junk I wanted to see or just block them if I didn’t want anything further. I enjoyed this. For a person like me who came from a place where men wouldn’t ever talk because they were worried of rejection, this has been a blessing. It has been great for my self esteem. For now, I am with a younger person and I allow myself to be sort of worshipped, it feels great.” #HowWeDate is a crowdsourced art project in partnership with @tinder_india. #Rightswipe for details.  #art  #artist #illustration #dating #tinder #tinderindia #datingstories #datingstoriesfromIndia #indian #crowdsourced #onlinedating #womenwhodraw #datinginindia  #digitaldating  #lovestories #india #illustrator #relationships #instaart #recycling

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“We connected like old friends. Despite the difference in our social class, I felt so accepted and so equal. Also, when we were together, he said something and I didn’t like the tone and told him so. This was new, I have never called out another man, never for something so trivial and he responded so well and apologised. Unlike the men I meet who always want to mansplain what I should do with my career, not once did this man offer advice but heard me out as I told him about my life, while he talked about his.”

I guess I haven’t been on a Tinder date that didn’t turn into art. This is from the last one I went on. Recently, I matched with someone. I wasn’t looking to date,  find love or have sex. I wasn’t even using Tinder, but had turned on the web version. It was a working weekend and I had a looming deadline and you know how it is sometimes, you have that deadline and you want to do all the time pass in the world. I was doing just that when I started swiping and matched with this man. He had a well-detailed profile, which almost read like a Linkedin profile, he also had about five pictures and he was well established. In his words, searchable. Oh, I forgot, we had two common friends on FB and  some common interests. I was very curious. His first message to me was some sort of template message, telling me that I was beautiful and he lived in <insert posh place>, worked at <insert fancy job>, asking me about myself and telling me how he’d like to take me out for dinner and get to know me better. He also left his phone number. Now I wouldn’t meet someone who was not willing to engage in conversation. How was my being beautiful reason enough for him to want to meet me. It didn’t feel right at all but I agreed. I will tell you why.  He had gone to a prestigious school and had done super cool things professionally. All those things that middle-class South Indians are pushed to achieve, get into that engineering college on merit, do your MBA also on merit, work hard, study hard, that’s how you get some recognition in your community or you will be like me – a good-for-nothing constantly explaining what you do for a living. So I had to find out about this person. Despite my deadline, I said yes, and changed the venue and the time. (1/4 rest of the story in comments)  #HowWeDate is a crowdsourced art project in partnership with @tinder_india. #Rightswipe for details.  #art  #artist #illustration #dating #tinder #tinderindia #datingstories #datingstoriesfromIndia #indian #crowdsourced #onlinedating #womenwhodraw #datinginindia  #digitaldating  #lovestories #india #illustrator #relationships #instaart #recycling

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“On the third night we meet. I step out of a friend’s birthday party (rather tipsy) to walk around our (shared) neighbourhood. The first night he stays over, we are falling asleep spooning- strange to be sharing a bed with someone again – and we both let out a deep breath slowly at the same time. Like my body telling me ‘Relax, honey. Time to turn soft again’.”

I love the way @gaachburi writes. “When I joined Tinder last year, I was done with dudes. For the first time in my queer adult life I was not hetero-coupled, and I was hoping that the silver lining in my very full cup of heartbreak would be that maybe now I’d actually date a woman– once I stopped crying in Uber-pools that is. This did not happen. For one Tinder still kept throwing dudes at me or the odd woman who was ‘exploring’ and in an open relationship with their boyfriend. Also there was the pesky fact that I’d downloaded Tinder mainly because I knew the ex was getting it on, and I didn’t want to feel like a loser. I was nowhere ready to meet anyone. Tinder is easier for women of course- every second guy I swiped right on was a Match. And each time these Matches would show an iota of persistence or desire to meet I would delete my Tinder for a few days. One of these Matches popped up in my messages one day ticking a bunch of the right boxes (black cat like mine- check, feminism – check, singer-songwriter- check) so obviously I gave major side-eye — like, every second guy with a guitar on Tinder thinks he’s a musician — and somewhat wearily noted that we also both seemed to be Bengali. In a somewhat unexpected turn of events he now took forever to respond and I was all too ready to say goodbye, which I did. About a month later I was tired of ‘playing tinder-tinder’ as a friend had put it. I was also sick of excessive partying, and was spending my weekends holed up writing. I’d decided to be single for a good long while and was beginning to really wrap the novelty of only having to think about myself around me. It was super. (rest of the story in comments) #HowWeDate is a crowdsourced art project in partnership with @tinder_india. Swipe for details. #art  #artist #illustration #dating #tinder #tinderindia #datingstories #datingstoriesfromIndia #indian #crowdsourced #onlinedating #womenwhodraw #datinginindia  #digitaldating  #lovestories #india #illustrator #relationships #instaart #recycling

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“I met my current boyfriend on Tinder. I’d stopped dating after my previous relationship as the end was bitter and I didn’t trust anyone anymore. I went through a few flings and was disappointed with them too, took a chance to meet this boy and didn’t expect anything to come out of it either. But once we met, we spoke for six straight hours! We met the second time and I went home with him, what ultimately made me fall in love with him was a question he asked after we’d done the deed.”

Via @__ms.alwar__ from #Mysore. Full marks to this boy! “I met my current boyfriend on Tinder. I’d stopped dating after my previous relationship as the end was bitter and I didn’t trust anyone anymore. I went through a few flings and was disappointed with them too, took a chance to meet this boy and didn’t expect anything to come out of it either. But once we met, we spoke for six straight hours! We met the second time and I went home with him, what ultimately made me fall in love with him was a question he asked after we’d done the deed. He turned to me and asked “Are you going to talk to me after today?”. I was floored cuz he didn’t ask if I was going to meet/come home again, but if I was going to speak to him again. That was very reassuring. He wasn’t like the other people I’d met on and off tinder, he wasn’t trying to show off or to just get me to sleep with him. He was so sincere in his question that I melted. I have had flings before and the guys were really nice, but they were looking to get out of the place by the next morning. They had not been vulnerable like this man. Ten months down the line, we’re still together and he’s remained the same. He’s open about his feelings and it’s not just anger. Once, he told me he was hurt that I didn’t look at him for over an hour at a party we were attending. That’s so beautiful. I used to hold back at expressing my love for him thinking that he’d turn away from it, like all the other guys do. But now, I don’t do that anymore and it’s so liberating. What started out as a casual non-exclusive relationship has taken a very serious turn and a commitment-phobic like me has no complaints. We’ve engaged in a lot of adventures together, both sexual and otherwise since then.” #HowWeDate is a crowdsourced art project in partnership with @tinder_india. Swipe for details.  #art  #artist #illustration #dating #tinder #tinderindia #datingstories #datingstoriesfromIndia #indian #crowdsourced #onlinedating #womenwhodraw #datinginindia  #digitaldating  #lovestories #india #illustrator #relationships #instaart #recycling #vulnerability

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