Why can’t a man cry? Oh it’s not because he doesn’t know how, but it’s because as a society we judge his ‘macho-ness’ by his ability to act nearly ‘superhuman’. No emotions, no crying, no expressing one’s feelings (unless it is anger), no ‘weakness’ of any kind – tears are a woman’s ‘gehna’ after all. For decades now, our ingrained sense of patriarchy has forced families to raise sons who are ‘strong’. Patriarchy does not just adversely affect women, men too get pulled along for the bumpy ride of society’s expectations.
This Quora thread will amaze you as it lists the situations in which a boy is allowed to cry. Titled: Situations where a man is allowed to cry is one obnoxious example of how men need to justify why they even felt the need to cry. And it is not their fault, they have been cultured in a particular way to restrain themselves from emoting, especially in front of people.
Just to give you an idea of how insane this thread is, this user lists reasons that justify tears from a man:
- A man who stands in front of his child’s tomb
- When he is fired from a job unexpectedly but his wife and offspring are fully dependent on him financially.
- A man permanently leaves his country, home, memories, friends for saving his life because he is a part of a minority group (religion, ethnicity, race, religion, caste) in that country and his life is in high risk.
- He is counting his days in jail in an unknown country and his family is waiting for him in his home country. He suspects he will never meet his family in his lifetime.
- When his daughter has been raped and he fails to get his daughter out of this mental stress and trauma despite immense effort.
First of all – allowed to cry? Second of all – reasons that ‘justify tears’? Please shut up, sit down and take a couple of seats because NO and NO.
So, let me get this straight, the only times a man can think of crying is if he is separated from a loved one or if he loses a job, which is also a big deal because his family will be dependent on him! Apart from that he has got to keep it together, he should not try to express his emotions in any which way. And then we wonder why men commit the crimes they do, why they live frustrated lives, etc. Because deep down those bottled up emotions do not have any vent to take exit from and pour out all at once on the women in their lives, on their juniors and God forbid on their children. But that is still not reason enough to give them the leeway with crying.
Stop monitoring, judging, deciding what men can or cannot do. Stop monitoring, judging, deciding what women can or cannot do. Just, stop.
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