It is a truth universally accepted that food is *almost* everybody’s first love. Those of you who worry about your next meal throughout the day, this article is definitely for you. But relatable or not, this will definitely make you LOL.
1. Not everything needs to go on Instagram. At least not food
Most people don’t realize this, but you can eat organic, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) June 10, 2012
2. My refrigerator has feelings too
My refrigerator just walked to my bedroom, opened the door, stood there and stared at me for five minutes, then it closed the door and left.
— Chez McCorvey (@CelebrityChez) July 24, 2012
3. You know when to eat? That’s all you need to know. No?
I’m smart but not “know when to stop eating” smart.
— June O’Hara (@juneohara65) May 7, 2015
4. It’s all about loving your food
i’m not good at cooking, but I’m good at being around when food appears.
— Robert Buscemi™ (@RobertBuscemi) April 30, 2014
5. Food delivery = no more sharing
Food delivery is a combination of my three favorite things:
1. Food
2. Not moving
3. Avoiding people— TokenSuperhero (@MarcusTheToken) July 18, 2011
6. Dessert spelled backwards is ‘I don’t share my food’
WAITER: Room for dessert?
[flashback to the room at home that hides all my desserts]ME: [nervous laugh] Haha I don’t have one of those.
— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) September 2, 2015
7. GTFO loser
“I don’t want a whole dessert, let’s just get two spoons” – Former friends of mine.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) February 12, 2015
8. So deep, I drowned
I can’t turn water into wine, but I can turn ice cream into breakfast.
— Louis Peitzman (@LouisPeitzman) June 25, 2012
9. This is someone after my own heart
Interviewer: what are your future plans?
Me: lunch
Interviewer: I meant long term plans
Me: what, like dinner?
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) April 22, 2015
10. Why wait for later, when you can have it all now
People who think you can’t be happy and sad at the same time have obviously never eaten all the cookies in the house in one sitting.
— Northern Lights (@PinkCamoTO) February 10, 2016
11. Got the pun? Are you sure?
a steak pun is a rare medium well done
— sreegs (@ahuj9) September 16, 2011
12. Best conversation ever
[Blackstreet Bakery]
Me: [watching the baker kneading dough] “I love the way you work it”
Baker: “No diggity?”
Me: “Baguette up.”
— Ollie (@ojedge) October 7, 2015
13. The time we don’t want to see
I haven’t eaten an apple in days. The doctors are closing in. My barricade won’t last much longer. They’re coming. Tell my family I love th-
— Esti (@slightlyfunny77) December 3, 2014
14. Whatever! How can you be alone when there is a bowl of soup with you
waiter, there’s a reflection of a sad and lonely man in my soup
— the garbage shit boy (@davedittell) March 11, 2014
15. Whatta wow
That awkward moment when you try to start a food fight by throwing a sandwich but the guy just catches it and says “thanks for the sandwich”
— Dr. Tyler Lemco (@tlemco) December 19, 2012
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