I, the intolerable Indian, pledge to thee — my sworn brothers and sisters — that I shall:
One, treat my kachra responsibly, because Swacch Bharat was more than a hypocritical hashtag.
Two, not spill toxins, because my dense inconsideration shouldn’t really be killing us all.
Three, not casually issue death threats, harass people, or seek “bob and vegins pics”, just because I think I’ll get away with it.
Four, restrain myself from spitting whenever, wherever, because my pledge to “strive to be worthy of my heritage” weren’t just empty words.
Five, try to keep it in my pants, irrespective of my sexual starvation, no soft graze ever goes unnoticed, no “no” is ever a tease, and muffling their screams that one time, doesn’t silence them forever.
So, I, the aspiring tolerable Indian, pledge to be as sociable as my Facebook-self, as chill as my Instagram-self, and as woke as my Twitter-self.