Unsolicited advice is a part and parcel of living in ‘civilised society’. And if you’re a married woman, the advice quadruples each year. The pressure marriage brings upon a man (all stemming out from our great age-old system of patriarchy), it is women who have to bear the major brunt of the non-stop diss track that comes free with a wedding.
Some women may be okay with inquisitive questions but there are several who truly cannot handle this absolute invasion of privacy. Curious or not, it is time that people chill out and let woman, especially married women decide what they want to do with their lives, their bodies, their clothes, their careers and most importantly, let the husband and wife decide when they want a kid or whether they’d like one at all. In simple words, back the hell up.
Here are the 11 most bizarre things that women get to hear right after marriage:
1. How is the married life going?
How do you answer that? ‘Going’ as in? Could you be more generic? The amount of time taken in asking that question is inversely proportional to the amount of time a married woman should ideally take to answer that question. But a newly-wed bride would ideally be expected to answer that question all-excited and say ‘it’s going great’, although even she doesn’t have a clue about things.
2. When are you guys planning to have kids?
One year gone, be prepared to be asked another equally bizarre question. When are you going to have kids? Actually, you should have prepared a planner on the wedding night itself. You didn’t do it? How foolish of you… that’s how normal people do it.
Tell them you don’t want to have kids ever and that’s when the real fun begins.
3. You don’t ‘look’ married
Basically because you refuse to put that ek chutki sindoor or wear that mangalsutra, people don’t get to know that you’re married. If you ARE married, you must LOOK married. Very important.
4. You don’t use your husband’s last name?
Even as many people have come to understand the practicality of it, there are still a few who get really shocked if you correct them and ask them to use your maiden name. Is it such a big deal? Yes. still.
5. Do you know how to cook?
Irrespective of either you’re married or unmarried, this is applicable to each and every human being born as a female. Because apparently only women cook, even when some of the top international chefs are male, at home, women belong to the kitchen. And if you don’t know how to cook, what shame, because what will your husband eat? Oh poor guy.
6. You must mingle with all your husband’s relatives. Also, call them as often as possible (even if they do not bother to acknowledge your existence)
The first thing you get to hear while you’re getting married and immediately after your marriage is that you must be friendly with all your husband’s relatives — Mama-Maami, Chacha-Chachi, Bua-Foofa, cousins, basically everyone, even if you are a introvert or feel uncomfortable talking to everyone. You MUST talk and make friends with all. And make efforts to stay in touch with them later, by calling them. Even if they pretend you are invisible.
7. Why do you need to work when your husband earns well?
Really? Do I still need to answer that extremely stupid question. OK . Ever heard about choice?
8. Will you give up your job after having kids?
Ya ya, obviously. I should be the only one giving up my job for the sake of my child. Can we ask the same question to the ‘prospective father’ as well? Or do we ask that question to a man?
9. Your husband must be looking after all your expenses?
Of course, that was the first condition of our marriage. I needed a bank to fund my daily expenses and I clearly told him so, at the beginning itself.
10. You must fast for your husband during Karwa Chauth
Even as some females love to fast for their husbands (we completely respect your choice and decision) but it is beyond some of us to go hungry the entire day, because, apparently husband will have a longer life. Seriously? Logic, could you please come and explain this?
11. Does your husband (or in-laws) allow you to go out with your friends or wear or eat whatever you want?
Hello, where does all of this come from? What right in the world does anyone have to dictate my life choices, so what I eat, wear or where I go completely depends on my wish. Enough said.
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