Five Recommended Hogwarts-Inspired Courses For Jio University

From Patanjali Potions to Mitron 101, here are the courses we think Jio Uni should teach.

What do Hogwarts and Jio University have in common? Neither can be spotted by muggles. Yet.

On Monday, Prakash Javadekar, the Minister of Human Resource Development, announced six places of higher education which have been granted ‘Institute of Eminence’ status, and somehow the currently-mythical Jio University proposed by Reliance Foundation made the cut.

The five others to have gained entry into this exclusive club are IIT Delhi, IIT Bombay, Indian Institute of Science in Bangalore, BITS Pilani in Rajasthan and Manipal Academy of Higher Education.

To counter the deluge of criticism levelled by many in the press, as well as the uncivilised hordes on the web, the Press Information Bureau released a statement explaining the logical reasoning that lead to Jio Uni’s inclusion in the recently con-cocted Eminence Club.

Turns out that whenever the educational institution does indeed materialise, it will straightaway gain entry into ‘the youngest global top 100 universities’ list. Which sounds like a tall claim for a university that doesn’t even have a campus or professors, let alone students.


The PIB press statement further revealed that the ‘residential university city’ will offer over 50 courses across all streams. Which in a country like ours is a crazy magical initiative to undertake. And keeping that in mind, we recommend these five Hogwarts-inspired courses for the just as non-existent Jio University:

  1. Patanjali Potions
    Reliance must find it in their hearts or Baba Ramdev’s purse strings to offer to teach the students the successful business model Patanjali follows. Selling sub-par products despite repeatedly failing quality checks and yet maintaining the reputation of being pure and pious is a talent not everyone possesses after all.
  2. Privileged Studies
    Wouldn’t it be interesting for the Born-With-A-Silver-Spoon brigade to know a little about how those who live hand-to-mouth and / or the ones who are discriminated against on the basis of caste and religion? Just a teeny bit to give an idea about those on the other side of the fence. Merely an arm-chair perspective without any practicals or project work, that in no way disturbs their sensibilities.

    Credit: Dreamstime

  3. History of Mythical India
    Snort in derision all you want but ruling party’s ministers’ gawah hai that there’s plenty of data (meaning Ramanand Sagar) available to support the claim that Indians discovered test tube babies, to high speed internet since the time of the Pandavas. Where’s the point of learning about the Indus Valley Civilisation, no matter how cool and advanced they were. But Sanjaya using broadband to telecast the war in Mahabharat? That’s the sort of brain-washing knowledge that can alter life as these kids know it.

    Credit: @Advaid/Twitter

  4. Mitron 101
    The art of self-promotion will get you places where merit most definitely cannot. To further one’s own cause, to talk about one’s own qualities and make the audience feel like it is for the greater good is the very key to success. And there’s nobody better equipped to teach the future generation this skill than your honorable selves.
  5. Defence Against Feminism
    Just like the Dark Arts, one needs some semblance of defence against the intolerable practice of Feminism. The movement, which has unfortunately gained momentum in the last few years, threatens to topple the glorious Age of Man that has flourished unencumbered since the beginning of time and bring in the Age of Equality of Sexes. A horrifying notion for sure, but nothing a few GIF-based studies pointing out the folly of such a world cannot cure.