Have you grown up with a Bollywood keeda? Which means have you assaulted your senses by sitting in front of a TV for hours on an end, flipping through Zee Cinema/Set Max/Star Gold? Have you spent countless hours watching the David Dhawan-Govinda combination deliver the cheesiest humour and dance songs, something that you outgrew during your teenage but look back at with fondness today?
If the answers to the above questions is yes, then it’s safe to assume that you’ve been raised by Bollywood. Which means some of your values are a direct consequence of a Hindi film. Here are 9 of the most valuable lessons we’ve learned from Bollywood films:
1. Make sure you ask the surname of the prospective groom you’re picking up from the airport.
2. Travel is the answer to ALL personal problems.
a. Fighting with friends? (Fly to Thailand*)**
*Gotta be rich
** Gotta have friends
b. Family tension? Cruise!
c. Lost touch with old friends? Road Trip!
d. Dealing with mental health issues? Go to Corsica and play pretend as the ‘other personality’.
3. If you find yourself in the middle of improbable time-jumps, bad makeup and tacky futuristic sets… just wake up. And walk out of the theatre. No, the film doesn’t get better. No, Kala Chashma doesn’t redeem anything.
4. When your father offers to give you a ‘star-launch’… REFUSE. NO, IT DOESN’T COUNT THAT HE DIRECTED GADAR: EK PREM KATHA, 15 YEARS AGO.
5. It’s important to be annoying/have an alien-friend while playing basketball. DON’T LET THE RULES COME IN THE WAY OF A GOOD BOLLYWOOD BASKETBALL MATCH.
6. Find a hipster psychiatrist in Goa, pay him tonnes of money over several weeks, and keep a straight face as he gives you the most ingenious prognosis to deal with a rough childhood – speak to your parents about it. Just do it. Let’s trivialise mental health.
7. If you’re planning to take down the local daaku – perhaps, start with the backstory as to why you won’t be able to pass the gun. Your recruits deserve to know.
8. ‘Sindoor in your maang’ is an irreversible action, which forcibly ties you to another human being till death do you apart. Don’t ignore signs by Kishan bhagwaan.
8. “Our business is our business, none of your business.” – the most important lesson of 2018, so much so that I wouldn’t dare change a word from this.
Whoever said Bollywood is a waste of time.