The gender bias we know today does not come hard-coded in our psyche while we develop in wombs. It starts at birth; from home. Right when parents start deciding what colour should your walls or clothes be, or which toys you should play with, based on gender, we start internalising gender inequality. While utterly discounting the gender non-binary, parents often teach their children about the things women should do and how they are different from the things expected of men. That’s how they were brought up and that’s what they know of parenting. The question is, how does one parent children to so as to not have them fall prey to the gender biasing trap? How does one parent a feminist?
While Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau did manage to explain the duties one has in shaping children to advocate for gender equality in his essay on raising kids to be feminists, the discussion needs more exposition.
People on Twitter recently started exploring the subject of feminist parenting and it is the discourse we have desperately required all this time. Talking about how their parents came through for them when gender bias enveloped society, people cite the things which help us step back from oppressing our daughters.
1.
And of course, parents now fully understand that clothes/alcohol/women aren’t responsible for sexual assault, men are. #ParentingFeminists
— Tarishi (@MumblingBee) October 12, 2017
2.
#ParentingFeminists in India means dealing with relatives condemning your support & foreboding dooms-day on your single daughter’s future :/
— Tithiya (@Tithiya) October 12, 2017
3.
#ParentingFeminists,my fathr used to tell us alwys fce d prblm to fight it out n he ws a fightr of life!That fightng spirit inculcted in us!
— Barsha Dey (@BDopines) October 12, 2017
4.
Also, my mother brought back my sis home from an abusive marriage from her abusive husband’s den! #ParentingFeminists
— Barsha Dey (@BDopines) October 12, 2017
5.
My father encouraged me to make my own choices from an early age, letting me know I’d be facing the consequences too. #ParentingFeminists
— Kanchan Parmar (@Kanchan_1724) October 12, 2017
6.
Mum’s fighting instincts, work ethic and values. Dad’s emphasis on freedom. A shared love of travel. “Do the right thing, we’ve got you.”
— Aruna Chandrasekhar (@aruna_sekhar) October 12, 2017
7.
Oh, my parents have never popped the Shaadi question. All savings have been for my education. Phew. #ParentingFeminists
— Durga M Sengupta (@the_bongrel) October 12, 2017
8.
My father told a teenager me to not tolerate harassment. Asked me to never give a 2nd thought to beating up molesters with my chappal.
— Neha Dixit (@nehadixit123) October 12, 2017
9.
My mother walked out of an abusive marriage, so I think taught me to not tolerate abuse in relationships
— Dhrubo Jyoti (@dhrubo127) October 12, 2017
.
Parents never stopped me from doing anything
Changing course from Physics to journ, I’d return @ 2am, mom’d wait up, but never discourage it— Arati Kumar-Rao (@AratiKumarRao) October 13, 2017
10.
I can go out in shorts. I can travel to far away places with my girl pals. My choices are respected and trusted.
— Tanvi Bambolkar (@Tweenvi) October 12, 2017
11.
Dad really wanted me to move out of the house asap, learn how to live alone, manage alone, do taxes, banking, everything.
— Tarishi (@MumblingBee) October 12, 2017
12.
Dad also firmly believes: as long as I am financially stable/well-off, I could marry whoever I want because I don’t need a man to support me
— Tarishi (@MumblingBee) October 12, 2017
13.
Dad also doesn’t believe in girls changing surnames anymore. #ParentingFeminists
— Tarishi (@MumblingBee) October 12, 2017
14.
my mom,has let go of misogynist festivals where men are worshipped.
— Pooja Sharma Rao (@SoulVersified) October 12, 2017
15.
My parents are happy to let me take decisions about what I want in life, irrespective of “society”
— Isha Tripathi (@TripathiIsha) October 12, 2017
16.
Nobody dares to make those marriage jokes since my sister got married and schooled everyone in both families!!
— Urvashi (@urvashi_mitra) October 12, 2017
17.
They call themselves feminists and tell their friends that they learn more about it everyday from me and my sis
— Ananya Roy (@yoraynana) October 12, 2017
18.
Folks have seen me pick myself up after many a fall & truly believe in my ability to thrive on my own (terms) in life. #ParentingFeminists
— Tithiya (@Tithiya) October 12, 2017
It is important to understand that when it comes to raising one’s kids as feminists, no change is too small. Even if it’s restraining oneself from teaching gender bias to kids like we always have been.
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